Thank you. He was ready. I’m going to miss him like crazy though. He was always up to something.
My best friend is or.. was a boy that I was dating and happened to be very in love with. I was completely stuck on this idea that we were going to spend our entire lives together and get married and have kids, when he had told me from the beginning that he didn’t know if he wanted to make big decisions like that at this point in his life. Which is completely reasonable, but not to a crazy teenage girl like I was. When he broke up with me, I went pretty.. psycho. I was deeply hurt, and I said some horrible things to him, and I ruined his birthday, and wasn’t there for him when he needed me, and now it’s been months since we’ve even spoken. I’m not in love with him anymore. In fact, I’m in love with a completely different guy and we have a very healthy relationship, which heavily contrasts the very unhealthy relationship I had with the guy who this post is about. I guess now that I can look at it from an objective perspective, what I was doing to him was wrong. I was using him as a crutch. I was using all his money. I’m sure I was stressing him out beyond belief. I took an already damaged person and fucked him up even more, and swore to myself that I loved him. I was too selfish to realize that this boy was not in love with me and that I needed to let him go so we could both be happier. I felt like our relationship was just lacking and I was never really happy with it, and I realize now that it’s because it just wasn’t meant to be. But he was a wonderful friend to me, and I imagine he still would be if I hadn’t treated him the way I did. He wanted to stay friends, but I just couldn’t. I regret more than anything some of the things I said to him the last night we talked. I wish I was brave enough to apologize to him, but I’m afraid I’d just be met with rejection. I’m sure he hates me, and I don’t blame him. He was one of three people (I guess four if you count my current boyfriend) that I’ve ever had in my life that I fully trusted and loved, and I let him down and proved to him what an evil person I am. I’m so sorry.
I don’t know if you still come to my blog or not, but I started watching Mad Men. It really is a brilliant show.